Days

Father, my respectful father. Mother, my gentle mother. Sister.. you sweet sister. Where is the love that was promised to me? ... I stay lonely all day, all night.. I watch the shadows move from morning to evening, stars shine behind my rounded windows, from underneath my blankets- I keep myself warm. I close my eyes from fear, seeing those obscuring eyes in the dark, feeling it touch my skin-fingers running down my cheek ..."wish me good night, please." I whisper. And it does. The next morning I wake up. Everything hurts- no memory. I look down to see my wounded body. Bruise, one - two - three.. deep cut right next to it. Scratch and bite.. a hickey too? Where did they come from- what do I do? I look the other way to avoid my horrible state which I woke up in... Light of the new fresh day pierces my eyes as I take away the curtains. View of blue sky with pinkish cherry blossom trees.. it makes me sick. My butler dresses me up and I'm ready to start this morning freshly. I walk down one floor. Heading through the big hall- arriving at the dining room. Everyone was there.. eating. Father saw me, but didn't say anything. Continuing in things he was doing. Mother noticed with a smile.. together with my sister. No one waited. I was late again.... my breakfast was already cold. When I finished- day went all again like yesterday and future tomorrow. I went to my lessons- nothing new. Guests came, I took on my mask.. but after all these events- I had my maid, Arya, by my side. Keeping my lonely self accompany. So thankful- we spent the entire day together again. Her different nature was so cute, something that was magnetizing mine. My weak spot was hit again.. with her presence around me. Though, I did pour out my heart, told her about my problems. But, the more I talked, the more 'the feel' piled up. I couldn't wait any longer- I felt it coming to my mind, consuming my sight that seemed twisted more and more. ...She didn't notice.... I was glad when her name was called. She quickly bowed and ran off. I remember.. sitting there in fear. My hands were shaking and my smile faded- it deformed into a terrified front. I was calming myself- "I wouldn't do that". I know, my throat was soar and dry- and I wanted to wet it somehow. Bloodthrist was my idea- father's curse took all the burdens on me. I managed to control myself, changing the sin into something else. I shall keep my gluttony down, but I don't know.. if I can soothe my lust.